Here for the Benjamins had the computer doing autodraft his last few picks and it gave him an illegal roster. I've updated his team to the minimum roster requirements. He now has a kicker and 2 TE. Just a heads up

Because simply drafting a fantasy team apparently wasn't enough for me, I ran the entire board through my wildly over-engineered draft model.

Important disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only. If the computer hates your team, please direct all complaints to ChatGPT. If it likes my team, the methodology is obviously rigorous and beyond reproach.

🥇 MC Chile Pepper — A
Saquon + Derrick Henry in our completely reasonable and not-at-all-unhinged long-TD scoring system. Mark has apparently chosen violence as his roster-construction strategy. McBride and a deep WR room don't hurt either.

🥈 Boats n' Hose — A
Amon-Ra + Justin Jefferson is disgusting. Then Joel just kept drafting plausible RBs until eventually there weren't any left for the rest of us. Deep, balanced and extremely annoying.

🥉 Brooklyn Tigers — A-
Taylor/Nico/Breece/DeVonta/Loveland/Hurts is a start I’m pretty happy with, and Jacobs/MHJ gave me some nice depth afterward. The computer originally tried to rank me #1, but I've overruled it on the grounds that a model I built declaring me the winner feels like the fantasy-football equivalent of counting my own election results. Still good. There will be no further independent review.

Bad Boys — A-
Ja'Marr Chase + Brock Bowers + Ladd + Jayden Daniels gives this roster some serious firepower. Very irritating draft. No notes.

Wrecking Balls — B+
Achane/Walker/Rhamondre + Lamar is an excellent way to maximize the number of times I say "oh come ON" while checking fantasy scores.

Crazy eights — B+
Gibbs/London/Etienne/Egbuka/Garrett Wilson. Extremely competent draft, which frankly isn't nearly as entertaining for purposes of this post.

Here for the Be — B+
JSN + CeeDee to start is filthy. The computer loves the WR room and would just like someone to please check on the running backs occasionally.

Double D's — B
Puka/AJ Brown/Pickens is probably the most terrifying WR trio in the league. The RB depth chart is more of a philosophical question.

RJ — B
Bijan/Kyren/Javonte in the first three rounds. RJ saw that this league starts two RBs and a flex and decided why stop at two?

Wakanda 4eva — B-
Cook/Jeanty/Waddle is a strong start with a bunch of interesting upside afterward. The model's official assessment was basically: "good team, needs somebody to go nuclear."

Cha-Ching — B-
CMC at 3 is a fantastic foundation, and Love/Tet/Pollard/Brooks/Evans/BTJ gives Dave a ton of different ways to find weekly production. This feels like one of those rosters where two or three mid-round picks hitting suddenly makes the whole thing look extremely smart.

KC_KILLAZ — C+
Chase Brown/Hampton/Rashee/Nabers/DJ Moore/Warren is a genuinely fun core with a lot of upside. Doug also managed to grab Mahomes all the way in the 11th, which feels like the kind of pick we're all going to look back at and say "wait, we let him get Mahomes THERE?" Plenty of paths for this team to outperform the computer's grade.

Official fake power rankings:
🥇 MC Chile Pepper
🥈 Boats n' Hose
🥉 Brooklyn Tigers

Congratulations to Mark on winning the prestigious September Spreadsheet Championship. Unfortunately, league officials have informed me that we still have to play the games.

Please save this post so the C+ teams can publicly humiliate me with it when they're 6-1 and I'm desperately sending everyone terrible trade offers.